Never on time, always out of sync

Such a bitter, bitter taste
a mouthful of pennies
unable to rinse away,
unable to shake the sensation
of unbearable regret.
too sick to eat
too distracted to care.
I was unaware of how cruel irony could be.
12 years of waiting,
idle dreaming,
collections of faded papers,
scrawled with strained words
of longing, admiration
never realized,
never recognized,
never fully forgotten.
what am i to do?
an unanticipated opportunity
fluttering like a bird
seen through the grate of a prison cell
(a soft cell, comfortable, kind,
patient, attentive, loving,
but restrictive all the same…
there is no safe release
there is no escape
without pain)
A stretch of fingers,
grazing feathers,
hoping desperately,
longing to say yes, yes, yes,
this is what i’ve wanted longer than you have known
please come see me again
please tell me you want to stay
when you speak i feel alive,
no longer bored with this,
all this,
finally feeling a resolution…
…but i know the bird cannot be had.
even if it flies close
sings
provides the company I always longed for
It can’t be mine.
I no longer have that freedom.
I promised myself I wouldn’t break his heart.
So I guess I’ll abandon mine.

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